Friday, October 10, 2014

Repost: I Wish I Had Written This Blog

I am attempting to post a weekly. Every other week these posts will be reposts. I had been a contributor on two different sites that have since closed or changed to no longer include blogs. I will be reposting pieces that had originally been featured on one of these two sites.  

This was originally posted April 5, 2011

Lately I’ve been realizing that I hardly ever want to do things that will make me a better person.  However, I often wish that I was the type of person who had done certain things.  This applies to many areas of my growth and development.  Despite many overlaps and commonalities, growth in character is different than Spiritual growth, which is different than intellectual growth.  This phenomenon occurs across the entire spectrum. 

Related to intellectual and character issues:
Over the years I’ve purchased many books in the hopes that one day I would be the sort of person who would have read them.  As it turns out, I am the sort of person who watches movies, peruses Facebook, and sleeps in. 

Pondering the various ideas and connections and observations jumbled up in my mind I wish I was the sort of person who had published several articles in various journals.  As it turns out, I can’t even get through this paragraph without pausing at every distraction. 

Recently I’ve been wishing that I was the sort of person who had exercised more over the last few years (these thoughts usually occur when I’m putting on pants).  As it turns out, I am the sort of person who welcomes any excuse to not walk across the street to the free Rec. Center at the university where I work. 

Related to Spirituality:
All too often I’ll realize that I’ve been in a spiritual fog for quite some time; that I feel disconnected from the Father and from myself.  I reflect on various events and circumstances in my life and wish that I was the sort of person who had brought each of these to the foot of the Cross with an open, willing heart.  Unfortunately, I am the sort of person who gets stuck going through the motions in life and often doesn’t seriously approach the Father for embarrassingly long spans of time. 

This is my personal “Sanctification Gap”.  It is not a gap of knowledge, but a gap of motivation.  If I want to look back on a successful journey I will have to take the first steps of that journey. 
I’m disappointed in the level of effort and dedication my younger self exhibited. 
I hope my future self won’t be disappointed in me. 

Am I the sort of person who will become a different sort of person?
Can I invite the Father into the gap between who I am and who I want to be?
And if so, will I?

And if I will, then when?

And will you?

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